This is the ANTI version of an “about me.” I’ll reveal as little as possible.
Because I’m an adulterer.
I’m not a good person. I know. I know. Despicable. Like the guy in black with a pointy nose, but less lovable.
That bad girlfriend, the disloyal wife, the sexpot you couldn’t forget — I’m all those. Every trigger.
“Who does she think she is?”
Who is going to save me?
Ya’ know I’m unrepentant. That’s a fancy word for not showing regret. Like a sociopath. I’ve made that abundantly clear in other articles.
I’m missing the sensitivity chip á la Brad Pitt but without his bone structure. You know the one his ex, Jennifer Aniston, complained about when he started in with big lips Angelina.
“How could he do that to poor Jen?” everyone said.
“Because she’s Angelina Jolie. Who wouldn’t want to fuck her if given half a chance?”
The Angelina’s in the world are always the winners. They take. They don’t look…
Which came first? The lover or the desire for the lover? In other words, did you meet someone you just had to have and then pursue an affair, or did you decide that you needed an affair and then meet someone?
The chicken and egg debate.
I’ve had both, I think. Lover #1 was unplanned, but lover #2, I initiated.
Lover #1 pursued me. It wasn’t the guy I would have chosen, yet he was available. And, oh so willing. “I’ll make you forget all about your lousy husband, baby.”
And, he did.
I couldn’t get enough of his sinewy…
“Who are you?” the nurse asked me at his hospital room door.
Who was I? A lover? No, really, an ex-lover. We had broken up before Thanksgiving, and it was now icy cold.
“I’m a friend?” I said, my voice rising. A “family friend,” I added. Might that make a difference? The nurse looked at me in my sensible mom attire and pointed to the orange PPE gear.
He hadn’t had many visitors. Maybe they took pity on him.
“You have to put this on.”
“Over my jacket?”
“No, you can take the coat off but make sure you fasten this…
What’s the real meaning of “You deserve better?”
I’m looking for other options, which is what this boils down to.
Man or woman. Equal opportunity opportunist.
I’m never going legit with you.
Suppose an affair partner says this to you during your relationship? In that case, it basically means, “I don’t feel the same way about you.” But, on the other hand, if they have a sliver of heart left, it might mean, “I’m sure you can find someone who will give you what you want.”
They are trying to let you down easily before the hammer drops. Trying to…
“So…watcha think?” this new prospective lover, asked breaking into a grin.
Ugh, I think I want this to be over. I think that this process sucks. And I wish I didn’t have to keep looking. That’s what I think.
I didn’t say it, of course.
“Um…maybe we should keep in touch.”
I was on the fence about this guy.
I liked his piercing blue eyes. His composure. His intelligence. But, could I get naked with him? That was the clincher. I didn’t feel the frisson or electricity. Not a bit.
I glanced around to make sure I didn’t recognize anyone…
Guys, wondering why aren’t you having sex? Why are you stuck in a dead bedroom?
It might be you.
I’m going to share the cold hard facts.
Let me explain:
1.You are a selfish lover
“I can’t deal with her lack of ______. “ Fill in the blank. Oral, kissing, hugging, tongue, blow jobs, etc. You justify your lack of trying in the bedroom because she doesn’t do what you want. This isn’t getting you laid. It is a sure maneuver that backfires. Being a lousy lay is no excuse.
2.You push for sex all the time
“I just can’t…
We believe in OPSEC (operational security — aka, how we cover up our shady shit).
We cover our tracks. We have burner phones. Our real phones are on lockdown. Hidden folders. Secret apps. Make excuses after excuses to hide time. We whisper to our lovers from the bathroom or outside our home. We text incessantly.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t.
Let’s compare OPSEC to driving.
You may drive as carefully as you can, observe all the rules of the road, obey the speed limits and follow traffic laws. However, you may still be sideswiped by another car…
I’m gonna feed ya some tough love, girl.
You’re a side piece. An afterthought. A fuck. That’s it — nothing more in his eyes. That’s adultery. The truth ain’t pretty.
His feelings weren’t real. He wanted a piece of ass, and you were available. If you don’t want to get used, don’t play the game.
But what you do have is yourself.
I don’t give a fuck. That’s why men are attracted to me. I know my worth, my value, and it doesn’t rest in my husband’s hand or in my lovers’ bed.
A woman who tries too hard to…
The feels, the laughing, the fun, touching, sexting, and the longing. Oh, the desire makes your brain extinguish.
Attention makes you feel sexier. Confident. Powerful. Vivid.
You feel alive.
Shit gets complicated fast, though.
I feel like these relationships are like an old box of matches. Some of them won’t light no matter how hard you swipe on the side of the box. Others crumble because they are too brittle. Every so often, there’s that one that lights up brilliantly…but burns out too fast.
After many tries, you get the match that lights up and stays lit. It isn’t the…
Middle-aged adulteress navigating dead bedrooms and affairs without fear. Adultery 101. Editor of The Scarlett Letter and P.S. I Hate You.