I have never been a lothario.
I’ve been separated for well over two years, and what should have been a very simple divorce has been made complicated by a STBXW (soon to be ex-wife) who A), thinks she is going to clean me out, and B), is using Covid exceptionally well to delay the proceedings. I travel a ton for work, I have a dad bod, and I am in my 50s. I never saw myself as a hot commodity on the dating market.
That hasn’t stopped me, though. I have dated a bit, and after 25 years of a…
Men, you know it’s a “sausage fest” out there. You know that your post is a “shot in the dark.” There are plenty of men looking and very few women responding.
Here’s why we aren’t biting.
Has to be right. Women are picky. They don’t want to work too hard to get laid. You better volunteer to come to them. If you don’t, it’s on to the next. “You’re far,” I’ve texted.
The correct answer is, “Don’t worry, I like to drive. You are worth it.”
Not, “Can we meet halfway?”
No, we can’t. …
“I’m staying for the kids.” I’ve said it. You’ve said it. It’s true. It’s a lie. It’s both.
The rationale for affairs is easy to come by, and the kids are the BEST excuse. They are cute and cuddly, and you would “do anything for them.” Everyone understands the kids’ argument.
Let’s say you met “the one” and wonder why they don’t abandon their three kids to run away with you. You and he are perfect together! It’s either:
a) You don’t have children and can’t empathize
b) You do have children, and you don’t care about their well-being
Thank you my fellow deviants!
I got an email this morning on my YEAR anniversary of writing on The Medium that we hit a 1000 followers on The Scarlett Letter.
Perfect timing! I just published an article about my stats, and now this!
From the home page of The Medium:
“Medium is trying to shift the paradigm. They’re catering to those looking for fresh, new, authentic voices. I believe wholeheartedly in their mission.”
I believe we are a fresh, authentic voice. No one else dares to cover this topic exclusively. It’s too controversial. Too awful. No other publications…
I looked back on my stats today.
Published my first article, “Cake Eaters of Adultery,” on May 10th. Subtitled, “When sex at home isn’t enough.” Still one of my favorite articles, by the way. It was about a potential affair partner I couldn’t wrap my head around. His motivations to cheat were so different from mine. He made me feel like shit, and I had to put it to paper.
Would anyone read it?
I got one view on May 11th, 2020. Nothing for two days. I figured my first foray into blogging would fail miserably. No one would read…
I’m fully vaxxed now, and the men are crawling out of the woodwork. Under every shady digital rock: Kik, Telegram, Ashley Madison, OkCupid, WhatsApp, and Signal.
I need to get LAID, stat.
Pandemic is in the rearview mirror, for now, at least. The variants and the future seem frightening, but I’d like to forget about that while I am trying to score some dick.
“Hi baby, let’s meet.”
“Morning, Mona, I’d love to be on your shortlist.”
“Would you be available for lunch, and we can go from there?”
AND the most popular one, “Are you vaxxed yet?”
“Hey there,” he texted.
Classic submarine maneuver. I’ve been cheating long enough that I’ve had potential affair partners circle back. Looking for the possibility of pussy.
“Whatcha up to?” is another. Or, the more direct option (which is rarely used, by the way) “I’ve been thinking of you.”
Oh, have you? I wonder. Have you been thinking about my pussy specifically? Or, any pussy? Are you extra horny? No prospects? That’s what I’m thinking.
I have innumerable Kik contacts. Men tried and discarded — a hundred guys — at least. I’m not exaggerating since I’m a picky bitch…
A zombie has NO brain.
Think about that.
Maybe I don’t need a brain. I need a dick. It’s too bad they inhabit usually the same space.
What are the clues that your dead bedroom is turning you into a zombie?
Trial sex is like a box of chocolates.
Which one is yummy? I like lemon cremes enrobed in dark chocolate, but will I pull a cherry cordial by mistake? There’s no way to know which type of lover I might encounter in bed with a new man.
Will he be a giver? Or will I be the one left empty-handed in the end?
That first sex meet is fraught with difficulty.
“I can last long; no one’s complained.”
And, the sex is over in a blink of an eye.
“I’ll make you cum, baby.”
And, he couldn't get me off.
Middle-aged adulteress navigating dead bedrooms and affairs without fear. Adultery 101. Editor of The Scarlett Letter and P.S. I Hate You.